how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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