textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
