I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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