Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
