could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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