The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
