i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
