i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
