there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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