nut hugger
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
