we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
