i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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