He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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