I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
