Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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