So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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