I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
