If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
