Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
