the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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