Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
