u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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