Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
