he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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