I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i love accidental penises.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
