I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
