First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Alive.
So much puke
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
