put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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