I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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