Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
