Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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