If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The feeling are messing with the penis
40s are totally the cure
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Who died my cat blue again?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
