I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
