evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
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WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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