I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
