Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
