Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
