Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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