i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
