Fuck appropriateness.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
