how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
