another moral hangover. fuck.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
