New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
