i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
