so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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