I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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