ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
