Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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