Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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