Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
