I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
