Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
