Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
