just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
