mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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