No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
