just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
