Pants 0. Shit 1.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Someone shattered a urinal.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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