I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
