Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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