"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
