you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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