we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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