He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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