Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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