You're so nebulous sometimes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
