I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!