I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.