i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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