apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?