If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
