He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
