the condom got lost in my hair
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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