why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
