vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
