your thong is hanging out like whoa
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
