Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
