A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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