im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
