This is not my ceiling
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
