I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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