So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
