I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
