I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
