what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
