She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
