Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Someone shattered a urinal.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
