Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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