Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
