The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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