I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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