I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Are we still banned from the library?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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