made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize