i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
