You can't special order awesome
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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