Already got asked if we're dating
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
