Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
