Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize