Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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