Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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